They say you begin to reflect the qualities of the people you spend the most time with. I think that’s true, and if it is, I’m grateful that the Vernoys are some of the people I spend the most time with. They are inspiring, fun-loving and slightly sarcastic (three of my favorite qualities). They challenge me to be better and do better…. often.
The latest challenge came a few days after the 2016 election, when I received a text from Jordan. It said that he was going to try “family strategic planning.” It was a response to the concern he felt about the election and its results. I shared his concerns completely. I wasn’t exactly sure what he meant by a family strategic plan, but I’m a strategic planning nerd, so I was immediately intrigued. He texted another teaser, “I am making it fun with a big poster and stuff for the kids to engage with.” Finally, he ended by telling me that this would be process for his family to become more intentional about sharing their values with their children and putting them into action. I was sold…. values, intentionality, action, and POSTERS! I loved the Vernoy’s STAR plan and their excitement.
A few weeks later, Jordan and Katie shared with me the five questions and the process they used with their children. One night at dinner, I asked my 11 year old twins and my husband, if we could spend dinner the next night working on a strategic plan for our family. One family member was enthusiastic, one was curious, one was worried about what was for dinner the next day. Close enough!
To prepare, I mocked up a few posters and sketched out an agenda. My kids are quite a bit older than the Vernoys, and they can read, so I modified the agenda and the process to fit my family. Instead of stickers and photos, I decided they would be the scribes and notetakers.
Over the course of a few blog posts, I plan to share my family’s experience with the planning process. I’ll start by sharing our experience with the first question — what makes us each great?
The experience of the first question – what makes each of us great? – was surprising. Each family member spent 2 minutes writing the strengths of each of the other family members. We wrote about each other silently. Then we took turns reading the list aloud.
The surprise? The kids loved it!
Jordan and Katie had told me that this was a bit magical for their kids. But they have little ones who haven’t yet mastered eye-rolling. I worried that my conversation to be an uphill battle. At my house the eye rolling can be evoked when I congratulate the kids after a concert or a spelling testing, or ask about what they’re dreaming about these days. I think this discussion was different because it was not about showing appreciation for what they had done, instead it was about honoring who they are, and who they are becoming. Here you can see my daughter’s reaction to her gift’s list:
XX
The other difference in this conversation than our typical “good job” conversations was that it was reciprocal. The kids had a big list of strengths for me and my husband. It was great (and frankly a relief!) that my kids recognize the qualities in us that we hope to demonstrate and share — like perseverance, hard work and “bucket-filler”. Here you can see their excitement in reading our lists.
XX
In closing, the Vernoys and I are committed to keeping Raising Purpose real. We aren’t a perfect family with perfect children. We’re much more interesting than that! I think you’ll enjoy my son’s reaction to his list.
XX
And, let’s hope in 2017 that “The Dab” is retired.
Raising Purpose 